Degrees of separation: an expert guide to coping when your children leave for university.

Debora Green is Head of Student Support and Guidance at The University of Sheffield. Here, she gives valuable advice for coping when your teenagers leave for university – whether they’ve left this year or are planning to in the future.

It’s a bittersweet moment. Your beloved teenager leaves the nest for the first time, heading off for one of life’s great adventures: university. You’re proud of what they’ve achieved but also worried about how the transition will be – for both of you.

A recent study, carried out for the University of Sheffield, revealed that more than two-thirds of parents in the UK (70%) fear that that they will find their child leaving for university “emotionally difficult”.

I know all about it myself. I’m the mother of a recent graduate; many of my colleagues are in the same situation or have children at or about to go to university. We know all too well what it’s like to worry about their eating (and drinking), how they’ll manage their money and whether they’ll make friends.

Concern for the safety and well-being of children came out as the number one issue (49%), while many parents worried about the family home feeling empty (43%). Fears over children feeling lonely were next (37%), with worries about financial management close behind (36%). Nearly a third of parents (30%) even worried that their child going to university meant that their time as a parent would be coming to an end.

At the University of Sheffield, we deal with both sides of this natural worry every day. We know that parents want their children to have the best experience they can - academically and socially – but are often left wondering how they’re getting on and the kind of person their children will be when they come home, washing in hand, for the Christmas holidays.

So I’ve drawn on mine and my colleagues experience (professional and personal!) to give my top tips for parents getting used to their children being away at university.

Take practical steps with your children to ensure you are confident they are prepared. Whether it’s shopping with them for basic kitchen equipment or making sure they have the right stationery, it can help your peace of mind.

If you can bring them to the university to drop them off, great. Encourage them to make their bed straight away and to get some pictures and personal things out to make it feel like home. Help them with their first supermarket shop. Make sure that they have enough of some treats to share with new flat-mates/fellow students. Then leave! It won’t help them settle in if Mum or Dad are hanging around.

If your child has had health or psychological difficulties (e.g. an eating disorder, depression) in their teens or ever been diagnosed with dyslexia, dyspraxia etc, DO encourage them to share this information with the relevant service in the University. Starting university can be stressful and old issues can recur. There will be lots of help available, provided in confidential settings.

Stay in contact with your children – but don’t overdo it. You want them to feel they have all your support if they need it, but recognise that they need space to go it alone.

Help out your children with practical tools they can use: a printed weekly budget sheet for example – see our online money planner. They may not use it all the time, but you’ll be confident you’ve helped them out as much as you can. If you haven’t already taught them how to shop economically, now’s the time!

Make sure that they know how to cook at least two dishes that they like – at least then you know they can look after their stomach.

Remember that universities invest in lots of services to help students: at Sheffield we have a university health service, residential mentoring support, a counselling service, front line information and advice based in the Students’ Union building, a multi-faith chaplaincy and personal tutoring support… It’s hard to let go, but they are in safe hands.

If things don’t go smoothly – and they didn’t for my child in the first few weeks – encourage them to access support services. Try not to let your own natural stress and anxiety show. Don’t encourage them to come home too soon but, if you think that getting together will help them (them, not you!), try to visit them one weekend if you can afford the time and the money. If they have a chance to show you around, that might help them recognise how much they have settled already. If you have friends or relatives nearby, an invitation to a home-cooked meal or a day out can help the student feel they belong in the local community.

Sheffield University’s parent pages are a great example of the kind of support that’s available when your child goes to university.